water flowing under.

And you may ask yourself, “Can I still pee in the pool if I buy a white bathing suit?”
And you may ask yourself, “How are lesbians in Guernville different from those in San Francisco?”
And you may ask yourself, “Will I ever see Nelly Furtado at a Russian River Women’s Weekend?”
And you might not ask yourself [...]

Read Full Post »

wasted, and not.

Who puts commercials before movies?! And why don’t they let me write them?
Before 28 Weeks Later (which I loved), there was some dumb energy drink commercial (for Vault) where this guy leaves his girlfriend on the beach while he goes to the bar to get her a drink. In the five seconds he’s at [...]

Read Full Post »

national pervert’s day?

I used to wonder “How could we ever choose one day to honor all the sexual perverts, deviants, homosexuals, lesbians, pagans, feminists, and abortionists? What day would we choose?” and I would sit and ponder and my head would hurt. And then Jerry Falwell died, and ta DAH! There it is. May 15th. Celebrate your [...]

Read Full Post »

a masturbation story.

(Ready for some TMI? Here we go.)
The first few times I masturbated I thought I was broken. I thought my body didn’t work like it was supposed to, and that there was no hope for relieving the built up tension created by David Bowie in Labrynth. Ohmygod, you don’t even know how much [...]

Read Full Post »

cracking wood.

So Sexpot broke the bed. Cracked it, actually, during a healthy bout of fistfuckingfun. I grabbed and pulled and the wood moaned. Everything (all nails and screws and such) are still in tact, but now I know (and now you know) that shaking a frame at Sleeptrain is not test enough for making [...]

Read Full Post »

now i lay me down.

Our new bed came on Sunday. I plan to come on our new bed today. (and by the way, did you know that “come” is the correct usage in all non-porno avenues of writing, whereas “cum” is the vulgar slang spelling? A writing teacher looked it up for me after I submitted an article with [...]

Read Full Post »

brain camp.

Did I tell you I went to church camp once? Yep. Me, Ms. Dirty Sinner Herself, eighth grade, somewhere in Maine. My friend didn’t want to go alone, so I said I would keep her company. She got sick and didn’t make the bus.
I had fun, I guess. Lots of praying (which I was never [...]

Read Full Post »